The cost of conflict in the workplace can be very high. While conflict cannot be avoided, the approach to its solution makes all the difference. In the YouTube video Improve Your Listening Skills with Active Listening, the Mind Tools team deliver five techniques to to prepare yourself for effective active listening better:
- Pay attention.
- Acknowledge that you’re listening.
- Provide feedback.
- Do Not Judge
- Respond appropriately.
These are simple techniques to accomplish, however, if you haven’t practiced them with clear intent you may find old habits of ineffective listening are hard to break.
Active listening is the key to getting the most out of a conversation and has numerous personal and interpersonal benefits. Recently, I called a co-worker to invite her to sit in on an upcoming presentation in my place that one of our colleagues had agreed to lead the charge for our department. My co-worker was very excited to hear from me because it had been over a month since she and I had last spoken. Before I could ask her if she would be available in March, she quickly told me she was not interested in the offer. She then went on to telling me about her mother's recent death and how insensitive she felt her manager ( the presenter) had been to her regarding needing extra time off. I could tell by the tone in her voice that she was stressed and merely needed a listening ear. In the article: 10 Ways to Immediately Improve Your Listening (and Networking) Skills author Mathew Jones states, "active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said rather than passively absorbing what someone is saying. It's not just about remembering the content of what someone is sharing, but actively seeking to understand the complete message--including the emotional tones--being conveyed." This employee felt as if her manager "heard" her but did not listen to her request (Jones, 2018).
The employee as mentioned above stated that she explained to her manager that two weeks was not enough time to complete all of her mother's legal matters and requested additional time off. At that time the manager explained policy and procedures to the employee instead of actively listening to her. Had the manager listened, she would have been able to detect in her voice that she was unstable and not mentally available to perform her job duties. This situation presented many obstacles to the overall success of our team, and as the director, I spoke with the manager and suggested the three of us meet to discuss the resentment that was festering between the two of them. I desired to mitigate any negative energy from spewing over onto other employees. I knew the meeting would bring clarity for the employee and additionally allow the manager the opportunity to practice her active listening skills.Active listening allows you to acknowledge the other person point of view. The critical aspect of my example is that the manager learned to actively listen and hold back from interrupting, even though the scenario was filled with contentious subject matter. In the end, our discussion and the manager's ability to listen proved successful in fostering a step toward a positive working relationship in the future between the two employees. Have you ever had to defer your conversation to allow someone else to express their immediate need?
References:
Jones, M., & Jones, M. (2018, January 10). 10 Ways to Immediately Improve Your Listening (and Networking) Skills. Retrieved from https://www.inc.com/matthew-jones/10-simple-steps-to-highly-effective-listening.html
Mind Tools Content Team. (2015, June 12). Improve your listening skills with active listening. [Video file]. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2z9mdX1j4A&t=38s
